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English Quotes Funny Oneliners Beautiful Proverbs SayingsFunny English Quotes

Humorous one-liners and wise old sayings

Funny texts, short poems and original wishes for all kinds of occasions

 
Leuke grappige spreukenHome > English Quotes (Laatste update: )
 

 

  • Be careful what you tolerate, you are teaching people how to treat you
  • Sometimes when things are falling apart, they may actually be falling into the right place
  • Whoever is trying to bring you down, is already beneath you
  • You have two hands, one to help yourself, the second to help others
  • Speak in such a way that others love to listen to you; listen in such a way that others love to speak to you
  • Clients do not come firsts, employees come first. If you take care of y our employees, they will take care of the clients
  • It’s better to walk alone, than with a crowd going in the wrong direction
  • Remembering you is easy, I do it every day. Missing you is the heartache that never goes away
 
  • Be self-motivated because no one is going to push you
  • Quality means doing it right when no one is looking
  • Be patient with all things, but especially with yourself
  • Entrepreneurs are willing to work 80 hours a week to avoid working 40 hours a week
  • An ugly personality destroys a pretty face
 

Barbeque

  • Meat is murder…, a tasty, tasty murder
  • Animals also have rights, the right to be tasty
  • Gardening is cultivating a piece of land in order to be able to barbecue
  • My wife loves my meat in her mouth
  • If your face and hands don’t get messy eating barbecue, you’re doing it all wrong
  • Barbecue, the only sport where a fat bald man is a god
  • If you can’t stand the heat, go get me a beer
 

Children

  • The best thing to spend on your children is time
 

Christmas

  • I'm going to lay under the christmas tree, to remind my partents that I'm a gift
  • Dear Santa, just leave your creditcard under the tree
  • Why is a Christmas tree better then a man? 1) He stays up for nights 2) has cute balls 3) and looks good with the lights on
  • I'm only a morning person on december 25th
  • It's not what's under the Christmas tree, it's who's around it
 

Climate

  • Help, the earth is hotter than me
  • Plastic straws are for suckers
  • Fuck each other, not the planet
  • Skill is fine and genius is splendid, but the right contacs are more valuable than either
 

Clouds

  • Rain falls because the clouds can no longer handle the weight, tears fall because the heart can no longer handle the pain
 

Contact

  • Skill is fine and genius is splendid, but the right contacs are more valuable than either
  • A human being is only interesting if he’s in contact with himself
  • Contact with the customer is what business is all about
  • Every mind needs friendly contact with other minds, for food of expansian and growth
  • Some contact numbers in your phone are really special, neither do we delete them nor we call
  • Detox your mind, body and your contact list
 

Dancing

  • Dance to express, not to impress
  • Honestly, it's way more fun to dance crazy than it is to dance cool
  • Why walk when you can dance?
 

Easter quotes

  • May the miracle of Easter bring you peace and joy.
  • He is risen! Wishing you a happy Easter full of blessings.
  • Today, we remember Jesus' sacrifice and give thanks for what he brought to our world.
  • Wishing you a blessed and holy Easter!
  • Happy Easter! May this beautiful day be a testimony to God's love and glory.
  • May God shower you with blessings, love, and peace this Easter.
  • Have a blessed holiday filled with happiness, love, and faith.
  • It's time to celebrate His greatest miracle of all. Happy Easter!
  • Sending you Easter blessings and wishing you a reflective, peaceful holiday.
  • Thankful for your friendship, for this holiday, and for the grace of JesusChrist. Happy Easter!
  • Stay blessed and have a beautiful Easter.
  • May you feel the love of God on this blessed day.
  • Rejoice in the Lord and in this beautiful holiday. Happy Easter!
  • Sending many blessings to you during this time of hope, joy, and renewal.
  • Praying that you feel Christ's love throughout this Easter Day and beyond.
 

Faith

  • Faith is taking a step even when you don't see the whole staircase
 

Fog

  • Sometimes we need the fog to remind ourselves that all of life is not black and white
  • Sometimes hope gets lost in a fog
  • Fog may be an illusion, but when the sun will shine, reality will be visible
  • Opportunity is often delivered in a fog of uncertainty
  • Beyond the fog lies clarity
  • Real friends don’t get offended when you insult them, they smile and call you something even more offensive
    Echte vrienden voelen zich niet aangevallen wanneer je ze beledigd, ze lachen en noemen je iets dat nog meer beledigend is
 

Friends / Friendship

  • Real friends don’t get offended when you insult them, they smile and call you something even more offensive
 

Future

  • Your future is created by what you do today, not tomorrow
 

Exes / broken relationships

  • The wrong relationships teach you how to recognize the right one when it arrives
  • If you and your ex are still friends, it means you two never really loved each other, or you’re still in love
  • No female can make me jealous over a man I already dealt with, if he was worth keeping, I’d still have him
  • When your ex says you’ll never find anyone like me, reply with ‘that’s the point’
  • We’re not friends, we’re not enemies, we’re just strangers with some memories
  • If the past is not resolved, future relationships will suffer. Let your heart heal, before you open the door to another
  • Oh, you’re dating my ex? Cool, I’m eating a sandwich, want those leftovers too?
  • I’m not mad, I’m hurt, there’s a difference
  • To heal a wound, you need to stop touching it
  • I’m still friends with all my exes, apart from my husbands
  • Being friends with your ex shows you two are mature enough to get over the fact that you weren’t meant to be together
  • Don’t be bitter about exes or people you used to talk to, take what you learned about yourself and become a better person
  • I don’t know why people waste so much energy on their exes, be glad that they’re now someone else’s problem
  • Never be upset if you see your ex with someone else, because your parents taught you to give your used toys to the less fortunate
 

Eyes

  • Eye contact is a dangerous, dangerous thing, but lovely, oh so lovely
  • Eye contact is way more intimate than word scan ever be
  • To avoid eye contact, kiss
  • Eye contact is how souls catch on fire
    The eyes are one of the most powerful tools a woman can have
  • True love is talking through eye contact
  • Never make eye contact while eating a banana
  • Having eye contact for more than 6 seconds without looking away or blinking reveals a desire for either seks or murder
 

Halloween

  • Withces are just princesses with PMS
  • I don't like calling it revenge, I'd prefer returning a favor
  • Hocus Pocus, I just need some wine to focus
 

Happiness / Happy

  • The happiest people are the givers, not the takers
  • Sometimes the person who tries to keep everyone happy, is the most lonely person
 

Health

  • The secret to living well and longer is to eat half, walk double, laugh triple and love without measure
 

Heart

  • Rain falls because the clouds can no longer handle the weight, tears fall because the heart can no longer handle the pain
 

Hugs & cuddles

  • Hugging is a silent way of saying “you matter to me”
  • One day someone is going to hug yo uso tight that all of your broken pieces will stick back together
  • I don’t need therapy, I need a hug
  • A hug is a great gift, one size fits al land it’s easy to exchange
  • I wish a was an octopus, so I could hug 10 people at a time
  • My favourite place is inside your hug
  • If hugs were snowflakes, I’d send you a blizzard
  • You can’t wrap love in a box, but you can wrap a person in a hug
  • A hug is like a boomerang, you get it back right away
 

Inspirational

  • The real risk is doing nothing
  • If you want something you never had, you have to do something you’ve never done
  • Push yourself because no one else is going to do it for you
  • If you don't go after what you want, you'll never have it
  • If you don't ask, the answer is always no
  • If you don't step forward, you're always in the same place
 

Kisses

  • Feel free to use kisses as a method tos hut me up anytime
 

Life

  • Life is a journey to be experienced, not a problem to be solved
  • Three simple rules in life
    1) If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it
    2) If you don’t ask, the answer is always no
    3) If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place

 

Lonely / Lonelineness

  • Sometimes the person who tries to keep everyone happy, is the most lonely person
 

Love

  • The best feeling is when you look at him and he’s already staring
 

Tidying up / cleaning / organizing

  • The important thing in tidying is not deciding what to discard, but rather what you want to keep
  • After every war, someone has to tidy up
  • When I tidy up, nobody notices and when I don’t tidy up, everybody notices
  • Cleaning & organizing is a practice, not a project

Marie Kondo Quotes

  • Life truly begins after you have put your house in order
  • Tidy a little a day and you’ll be tidying forever
  • Being messy is not hereditary nor is it related to lack of time
  • To put your things in order means to put your past in order, too
  • From the moment you start tidying, you will be compelled to reset your life
  • To truly cherish the things that are important to you, you must first discard those that have outlived their purpose
 

Zoek spreuken & quotes

Gebruik de zoekbox om binnen Leukespreuk.nl te zoeken naar specifieke uitspraken, teksten en gezegdes over je favoriete onderwerp.

 
 
  • If the words you spoke appeared on your skin, would you still be beautiful?
  • Push harder than yesterday, if you want a different tomorrow
  • Train your mind to be calm in every situation
  • If you want to fly with eagles, don’t swim with the ducks
  • It’s not a bug, it’s a feature
  • Never be a prisoner of your past, it was just a lesson, not a life sentence
 
  • If plan A doesn’t work, the alphabet has 25 more letters, stay cool
  • A smart person knows what to say, a wise person knows whether or not to say it
  • Everything is ok in the end, if it’s not ok, then it’s not the end
  • Online shopping: because it’s frowned upon to be in a store with no bra, sweatpants and a glass of wine
  • You call it being alone, I call it enjoying my own company
 

Mothering Sunday

  • Mothers are like buttons, they hold everything together
  • Nothing is lost until mom can’t find it
  • Life doesn’t come with a manual, it comes with a mother
  • Raising kids is like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park
  • Now I know why you always told me to be strong, you knew that one day I would need the strenght to bear your loss
  • When you are looking at your mother, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know
  • While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about
  • A mother is she who can take the place of all others, but whose place no one else can take

Top 10 quotes from mothers to their child

  • What part of no don’t you understand?
  • I don’t care who started it
  • Wait untill your father gets home
  • Your face is going to freeze like that
  • No one said life was fair
  • Go to your room
  • Beds are for sleeping not jumping
  • Eat your vegetables
  • I don’t know is not an answer
  • Because I said so, that’s why
 

New year's resolutions

  • My New Year’s resolution is to stop lying to myself about making lifestyle changes
  • My New Years resolution is to love myself like Kanye loves himself and believe in myself like Kanye believes in himself
  • All my New Year’s resolutions got reduced to just don’t die this year
 

Nonsense

  • I don't have a short temper, I just have a quick reaction to bullshit
 

Pain

  • Rain falls because the clouds can no longer handle the weight, tears fall because the heart can no longer handle the pain
 

Perfection

  • I would not say I’m perfect, but i’m British so it’s almost the same
  • Rain falls because the clouds can no longer handle the weight, tears fall because the heart can no longer handle the pain
 

Rain

  • Rain falls because the clouds can no longer handle the weight, tears fall because the heart can no longer handle the pain
 

Relationships

  • A perfect relationship isn’t perfect, it’s just that both people never give up
  • The best thing to spend on your children is time
 

School

  • Teachers call it cheating, we call it teamwork
 

Smartphones

  • Some contact numbers in your phone are really special, neither do we delete them nor we call
 

Tears

  • Rain falls because the clouds can no longer handle the weight, tears fall because the heart can no longer handle the pain
 

Toilet

  • Use me well and keep me clean, I'll never tell what I have seen
 

Youth

  • Youth is a wonderful thing, what a crime to waste it on children
  • Never forget yesterday, but always live for today,
    Because you never know what tomorrow can bring, or what can take it away
 

English poems

Short poems writting in English, expressing lots of feelings and love, accompanied by lots of humour and inspiration.

  • Never forget yesterday, but always live for today,
    Because you never know what tomorrow can bring, or what can take it away
 
 
 
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