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Sarcastic quotes –
Witty, clever & brutally honest sayings
Sarcasm is the brain's natural defense against stupidity. These
sarcastic quotes are sharp, clever and brutally honest – perfect
for those moments when only wit will do. Whether you want a caption
with attitude or just need to laugh at the absurdity of life, these
sayings deliver.
This page is updated on a regular basis. Last update:
Brutally honest and witty quotes about life and people
Some things are better said with sarcasm. These sharp and clever
quotes about life, people and everyday nonsense will make you laugh,
nod and probably screenshot at least three of them.
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- I'm not insulting you. I'm describing you.
Sarcasm: because beating people up is illegal.
I'm sorry. Did the middle of my sentence interrupt
the beginning of yours?
I'd agree with you but then we'd both be wrong.
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people
appear bright until you hear them speak.
I'm not saying I hate you. But I would unplug your
life support to charge my phone.
My level of sarcasm has gotten to the point where
I don't even know if I'm kidding or not.
I'm allergic to stupidity. I break out in sarcasm.
If you find me offensive, then I suggest you quit
finding me.
I'm not always sarcastic. Sometimes I'm sleeping.
Tell me not to do something and I will do it twice
and take pictures.
Zombies eat brains. You're safe.
I don't have the energy to pretend to like you today.
Some people are like clouds. When they disappear,
it's a beautiful day.
Sure, I'll help you. Right after I finish doing absolutely
nothing.
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
Not everything needs a reaction. Sometimes you just
need to leave people to deal with their own nonsense.
My patience is like my phone battery. It runs out
fast when dealing with certain people.
Please cancel my subscription to your issues.
I'm not mean. I'm just brutally honest. It's not my
fault that truth hurts.
If I had a dollar for every smart thing you say, I'd
be broke.
Oh, you're dating my ex? Cool. I'm eating a sandwich.
Want those leftovers too?
Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you'll find a brain
back there.
I'm really good at stuff until people watch me do
that stuff.
Me pretending to listen should be enough for you.
I don't hold grudges. I just remember facts. Forever.
Some people just need a high five. In the face. With
a chair.
I'm a nice person. Just don't push the button.
I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it
for you.
My silence doesn't mean I agree with you. It means
your level of stupidity rendered me speechless.
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